Men don't wear bras

[Morning Sunshine]

side note.  My 5-yo daughter came in while I was getting dressed the other day and saw my much enlarged chest, ya know those dang pregnancy changes.
"Mommy, those are BIG nursers!"  I cracked up.  hubby cracked up.  after a few seconds, she started laughing too, but in a "I guess this is funny, but I don't get it" kind of way.  We had to explain to her, that while we thought it was funny, it is not something she should be commenting on in general.  And, I love that she thinks that is what they are for - nursing babies.

so now we (hubby and I) call my bosoms "nursers"

[Roundabouts]

side note.  My 5-yo daughter came in while I was getting dressed the other day and saw my much enlarged chest, ya know those dang pregnancy changes.
"Mommy, those are BIG nursers!"  I cracked up.  hubby cracked up.  after a few seconds, she started laughing too, but in a "I guess this is funny, but I don't get it" kind of way.  We had to explain to her, that while we thought it was funny, it is not something she should be commenting on in general.  And, I love that she thinks that is what they are for - nursing babies.

so now we (hubby and I) call my bosoms "nursers"

  NURSERS PERFECT !!  LOVE IT.

[bentwanderer]

PS - I love heels and panty hose. Feeling sexy is an important part of being a woman. If we didn't like them at all, we wouldn't buy them and wear them.

<--- Looks hot in a skirt and heels and thinks panty hose are the warmest things ever under my snow bib.

This may be one of those;"damn son i don't believe id'a told that; comments but pantyhose work great if you hunt in So. California, where when you get on stand in the AM, you have to break the icicles, but want to be in shorts and tank top by noon.

[charles]

Maybe I'm brainwashed, but I just can't go out without one on. It would be like not wearing pants. That said, I never wear one around the house or yard. Of course, if someone pulls into the drive I'll sprint in to the house to get one on before they get to the house! I like the sport bras but my DH complains that it makes me look like I have a tumor on my chest. Can't stand underwires...too many stab wounds over the years from them poking out of the material.

I dont like pants...... 

[Morning Sunshine]

okay, so to resurrect this thread.  earlier, I mentioned my SIL and her downright concern about my bra-less-ness.  http://thesurvivalpodcast.com/forum/index.php?topic=33603.msg375895#msg375895  She is convinced that not wearing a bra is tantamount to wearing a bikini to church, in terms of modesty.  In other words, by not wearing a bra I am being extremely immodest in my dress.  This is bothering me, because I like to dress modestly; I feel it is an important symbol to the world of who I am, and I do not like the idea of appearing immodest.  but I hate the idea of wearing a bra.  I wear t-shirts that cover my top; no one can claim to see my underwear either around my neck line or waist; my pants and skirts are long.
Why is wearing a bra, or the lack of one, so disturbing to her?
so, ladies, is it a modesty thing?  or just her own neurosis?  guys, do you get turned on by a random lady on the street that is obviously not wearing a bra?

help me out here.

[cheryl1]

Here's my husband's opinion-if the woman is good looking and doesn't wear a bra she's doing it because she knows they look good and is showing them off. Any other woman not wearing a bra comes across as slobbish and too lazy to make an effort to look presentable.

[lettuceman]

It sounds like SIL is expecting other women to live to her standard.  You do what you think is right for you and live your own life. 

[Dainty]

Can people tell you aren't wearing a bra just by looking at you?

IMO, if they can, then it is immodest. But if they can't, then it's no different than if you were wearing one.

[cheryl1]

I'll admit it's a bias, but it is so ingrained in our culture that its a fact. A woman with moderate to large breasts without a bra gives a negative first, second, and third impression, especially in public. If they are small, no one knows the difference.

[monkeyboyf]

Don't worry about the SIL and her criticism.  Dress how you are comfortable as long as your husband is in agreement.  If he thought you were immodest he would tell you, I'm sure.  You are a good woman and wonderful mother. If SIL does not approve, perhaps she is jealous.

[RitaRose1945]

I think the problem she may have is if you can see the nips through a shirt (especially when it's cold outside...) or maybe it's that you're not as... elevated and perky... as you are with a bra.  The first problem, I kind of get, but the second one is  silly.  It's your body, you can have it look however you want.  The altitude of my boobs is no reflection on anything in my life but my age.

Either way, it's ultimately your call how you live your life.

[Stacy]

I refuse to wear bras with wire in them and do not understand why women wear wire
pressing and digging into them.

It always starts to dig in, so I always remove them.

[Roundabouts]

okay, so to resurrect this thread.  earlier, I mentioned my SIL and her downright concern about my bra-less-ness.  http://thesurvivalpodcast.com/forum/index.php?topic=33603.msg375895#msg375895  She is convinced that not wearing a bra is tantamount to wearing a bikini to church, in terms of modesty.  In other words, by not wearing a bra I am being extremely immodest in my dress.  This is bothering me, because I like to dress modestly; I feel it is an important symbol to the world of who I am, and I do not like the idea of appearing immodest.  but I hate the idea of wearing a bra.  I wear t-shirts that cover my top; no one can claim to see my underwear either around my neck line or waist; my pants and skirts are long.
Why is wearing a bra, or the lack of one, so disturbing to her?
so, ladies, is it a modesty thing?  or just her own neurosis?  guys, do you get turned on by a random lady on the street that is obviously not wearing a bra?

help me out here.

I am going to be blunt here.  Not meant to offend….  WTH.  Why is it SIL business any way?  You want to wear a bikini to church wear one.  ( not to get into a big debate but seems to me that if God made us and he is good to honor him and his wisdom church would not be a fashion show.  Church would be the one place you go naked)    You want to go without a bra do it.  Does not matter @ all what others say.  Exception to the rule.  If on the job and you want to keep your job part of that is an agreement you made to play the game by their rules.  If they say wear it you wear it.  When SIL starts in ask her  why she is out and about with an exposed face.  Some cultures say show your face you are wrong show your hair you are wrong.  Here it use to be you could dang near show your boobs but don't ever ever show an ankle.  I have had lectures from MIL and all I can say in response is who the hell died and made you boob police & why are you so concerned about my chest?  My eyes are up here.  Funny if a child stares at someone in a wheel chair or @ someone who has a scar on their face we tell them it's not polite.  We feel almost embarrassed  and think it rude to stare.  But take off a bra and some how all of a sudden it is acceptable to stare comment or judge.  That's a bunch of bull. 

Women will pay big bucks and go through huge amounts of pain to have their breasts lifted made bigger and so on.  ( I am not talking about those that do things for medical reasons)  All because this culture says that breasts should always look like they did when you were a child! ?  Got news for the world body parts sag with age.  My "saggy" breasts are badges of honor.  I nourished and fed my babies.  I have live a life.  I have made contributions to my community.  My hair is getting gray my skin is showing signs of wisdom (ok maybe stress)  but the point is  why should I feel so badly about all of that that I conform to the rest and paint make up on wear the latest styles worry about "bad hair days" and worry about what kind of underwear I have on just to make OTHERS happy?   

Nope sorry if you don't like the way I look don't look.  If you don't want to be my friend because of the way I look well good.  I don't want friends like that any way.  If you want to sit and judge me about all that fine go ahead you have that right.  But if you think you can tell me what  to do?  Well then bite me! 

Another news flash we all have nipples.  Yup men and women.  Why it is ok for men to walk around shirtless and not women?  Just because we have more tissue under that said nipple.  UM  this is America and I do see men walking around that have tissue under their nipple.  A lot of them.  Oh we can't because well that might turn men on? Oh give me a break.  Maybe it's ok for men or women to be turned on and like what they see.  It's NOT ok to act on that!.  Maybe what people assume is being turned on is nothing more than admiring something of beauty?  Maybe this culture needs an overhaul in that department.  I know when I see a beautiful flower or a cute puppy I smile.  When I see a beautiful man I smile and when I see a beautiful woman or child I smile.  Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and I do smile a lot.   

No I say you need not bow down to your SIL.  You live your life the way YOU want to.  You wear what you want how you want because it's what YOU feel good about.  If that means you want to wear a bra wear it with pride if you want to color your hair purple and wear underwear over your skirt go for it.  Teach your girls that they can be who they want and they can be independent thinkers strong individual women who need not follow the crowd just because the crowd is there. 

[Dainty]

I'm scratching my head a bit over the assumptions that the problem is MS catering to her SIL's wishes.

The way I understand it, MS posted that she likes to dress modestly as a symbol of her identity, and thus the possibility that she may be appearing immodest to people in general (not just her SIL) is deeply unsettling to her on a personal level. We were asked some specific questions so that hopefully MS can gather the info she's looking for to make her own decision, which from what I can see was her intention from the beginning.

MS if I've got anything wrong there, feel free to correct me...

[Morning Sunshine]

LOL Dainty, you are correct. 

I have not worn a bra on a daily basis except my high school years, and even then, it was off 3 seconds after I walked in the door.  I have gotten flack for it since jr high - the beginning of "the need", but I didn't care what folks think about my bralessness.  (well, I didn't get flack for it at my women's college - in fact I held the record for being able to remove it the fastest without removing other clothes).  But on the other hand, I do not want to appear immodest to folks.

Long term, I am planning to go back to wearing overalls all the time, but cannot until I am done nursing.  so until then, I need to make a decision on this.

mostly, I am interested in what folks here think.  You guys do not know me face to face, so telling me truths are easier than trying to spare my feelings.  You are not monothinking when it comes to dress and grooming (as evidenced by other posts on this thread), so I expected different opinions.

I like discussion though 

[Dainty]

One thing that hasn't been mentioned yet is if the concern is show-through rather than support, there are options that can provide minimal coverage without the constriction of a bra.

[DrJohn]

One thing that hasn't been mentioned yet is if the concern is show-through rather than support, there are options that can provide minimal coverage without the constriction of a bra.

Wow, good to know - Learn something everyday!

[rikkrack]

I am going to be blunt here.  Not meant to offend….  WTH.  Why is it SIL business any way?  You want to wear a bikini to church wear one.  ( not to get into a big debate but seems to me that if God made us and he is good to honor him and his wisdom church would not be a fashion show.  Church would be the one place you go naked)    You want to go without a bra do it.  Does not matter @ all what others say.  Exception to the rule.  If on the job and you want to keep your job part of that is an agreement you made to play the game by their rules.  If they say wear it you wear it.  When SIL starts in ask her  why she is out and about with an exposed face.  Some cultures say show your face you are wrong show your hair you are wrong.  Here it use to be you could dang near show your boobs but don't ever ever show an ankle.  I have had lectures from MIL and all I can say in response is who the hell died and made you boob police & why are you so concerned about my chest?  My eyes are up here.  Funny if a child stares at someone in a wheel chair or @ someone who has a scar on their face we tell them it's not polite.  We feel almost embarrassed  and think it rude to stare.  But take off a bra and some how all of a sudden it is acceptable to stare comment or judge.  That's a bunch of bull. 

Women will pay big bucks and go through huge amounts of pain to have their breasts lifted made bigger and so on.  ( I am not talking about those that do things for medical reasons)  All because this culture says that breasts should always look like they did when you were a child! ?  Got news for the world body parts sag with age.  My "saggy" breasts are badges of honor.  I nourished and fed my babies.  I have live a life.  I have made contributions to my community.  My hair is getting gray my skin is showing signs of wisdom (ok maybe stress)  but the point is  why should I feel so badly about all of that that I conform to the rest and paint make up on wear the latest styles worry about "bad hair days" and worry about what kind of underwear I have on just to make OTHERS happy?   

Nope sorry if you don't like the way I look don't look.  If you don't want to be my friend because of the way I look well good.  I don't want friends like that any way.  If you want to sit and judge me about all that fine go ahead you have that right.  But if you think you can tell me what  to do?  Well then bite me! 

Another news flash we all have nipples.  Yup men and women.  Why it is ok for men to walk around shirtless and not women?  Just because we have more tissue under that said nipple.  UM  this is America and I do see men walking around that have tissue under their nipple.  A lot of them.  Oh we can't because well that might turn men on? Oh give me a break.  Maybe it's ok for men or women to be turned on and like what they see.  It's NOT ok to act on that!.  Maybe what people assume is being turned on is nothing more than admiring something of beauty?  Maybe this culture needs an overhaul in that department.  I know when I see a beautiful flower or a cute puppy I smile.  When I see a beautiful man I smile and when I see a beautiful woman or child I smile.  Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and I do smile a lot.   

No I say you need not bow down to your SIL.  You live your life the way YOU want to.  You wear what you want how you want because it's what YOU feel good about.  If that means you want to wear a bra wear it with pride if you want to color your hair purple and wear underwear over your skirt go for it.  Teach your girls that they can be who they want and they can be independent thinkers strong individual women who need not follow the crowd just because the crowd is there.

^^^^Pretty much this ^^^^ +1 (more if I could)

From a guy's perspective. I don't care one way or another. Women don't tell men they need to wear boxers, briefs or commando. Maybe for sperm count but hey, there is medical reason. I can get that.

Your body, you do what you want. And to HE11 with people who want to tell you what to wear, how to wear it. What next, you should eat this or that, should do hair a certain way, or not wear makeup (if you do). Do what you want.

My wife wears one at work, takes it off the moment she is in the door. She likes the "pretty clothes", heals etc. She works in a more professional area.

 At home, no bra around the house, in the yard and either because of the IDGAS attitude that has come lately with age or just waking up and don't care what others think. She will often not wear one when we go out either. Granted usually to store, or hardware store etc. We don't go out to eat.

Daughter is 10 and well, starting to develop, and we have asked she wear one mainly because, well, she pokes out and like to wear t-shirts. So we tell her either wear a sweat shirt or put a bra on but only if we are going out of house. Kids can be mean so we try to spare her that.

In the end, no one should care what you are or are not wearing. They are not you.

Just my 2 cents

PS I did like the comment about going to church nude. Came in this way so why not? Clothes are not necessary to worship. Maybe I go out that way too when it is time. just a thought.

[Dainty]

Wow, good to know - Learn something everyday!

And yet, women manage to maintain their mystery...

[ncjeeper]

Wear or dont wear whatever is comfortable to you. Its your confidence with your body that makes you modest. Not the amount of clothes or lack there of.

[flippydidit]

This is perhaps my new favoritist thread on all of TSP!  How did I miss this one?!?  Corsets, bra's, "heavy loads"!  The guys in the firearms topics may never hear from me again!

I'll weigh in here since I am a husband, father and generally huge fan of boobs.  My wife has one of the best outlooks on the topic.  They're there, and she'll wear a bra if it suits her.  If it's a day when a bra is required, she wears it.  If not, then no bra.  What is my opinion?  Doesn't really matter, does it?  I don't have those twins to wrestle with every day.  That's how I think with any woman who decides to wear or not wear a bra.  It's her body, she knows it better than all of my "studies".

That said, I don't think it's immodest for a woman to go around without a bra.  Even if you can see her nipples.  So what?  Would it turn me on?  Maybe.  Depends on her "build".  What's wrong with being turned on?  It makes me feel good.  It makes me want to hold my wife a little tighter and puts a smile on my face.  I'm not going to rush out and try to molest someone, and it's not going to instill an irrational anger in me that she's "just doing it for attention".  Maybe she is.  Who cares.

My wife, who is 4'11" and about 95 lbs. is a 32B (?, think that's how it's measured).  She's not the biological mother of my first two children.  The oldest of her step-children is my 13 year old daughter.  Having different genetics my daughter was "blossoming" sooner than my wife did.  I was informed by my wife that the two of them were going bra shopping.  To which I promptly covered my ears and yelled, "LA-LA-LA-LA" "Can't hear you!!"   

Upon their return she stated that my daughter was a 35CC or something.  Boils down to my daughter has bigger twins than my wife.  And that she will apparently get bigger.  So my point is this.  As long as my wife and daughter are comfortable with what they wear and how they feel about themselves, I'm happy.  In the meantime, I'm busy with my tractor.....digging holes for all the potential boyfriends my daughter brings home.

They say when you have a boy, you need to watch your boy.

And that when you have a daughter, you need to watch ALL the boys.

 

[PorcupineKate]

I also lucky enough to be a weird bra size.  Most women in the US are wearing bras with too small a cup size and too large a band.  This gives terrible support and makes bras really uncomfortable. 

Take the example of the DD who wears a 35CC.  Most stores would have her wear a 36D because they don't carry 35 anything.   The 36 strap will most likely ride up her back, not give her good support, and encourage her to slouch.  A 34 C will have under wires digging into her sides and squish her boobs.   Finding a bra that fits comfortably and gives her enough support to run around and do stuff will be a challenge. 

 The best places I have found to figure out your correct bra size is at a local mom and pop lingerie store.  They will not try and put you into the closest standard bra size.  Victoria Secrets, most department stores, and Fredrick's of Hollywood still only carry a certain range of sizes.  All of these companies have gotten much better in the last 10 years in terms of size availability but many women are still wearing the wrong size bras because store clerks put people in the closest size they have in stock.  This causes a lot of women to wear uncomfortable bras and not get good support at the same time.   

These local shops often sell bathing suits too.  They have strapless bras in hard to find sizes too.  I have taken many a friend to get a proper fitting bra for a wedding dress.  Not only do we find something that works for the dress but it often costs less than the crap bras they try and sell you at the bridal shop. 

[busymomx3]

I'm super glad I read through most of this thread.  No not all sorry .  But I have learned bunches.  I might try this Genie? bra and see how it is.  I dislike underwire but since I am a bigger girl I need more support.  I dislike being unsupported as it's uncomfortable.  Glad there are ladies here to talk about all the different things we ladies care about .

[ThreadCookie]

In going to make my first post on the tsp forums in this thread which is entirely typically for me as you'll see:

I'm a fairly experienced seamstress. I have a certain eye for fit and silhouette and quite a few years of experience. I have a relatively big difference between band and cup size and the last bra I bought I paid $104 for! This is unacceptable considering my particular skill set but I was in a pinch so to speak. I've been trying to successfully sew a well-fitting bra ever since and it is very difficult. I can whip up a Victorian corset no problem but modern expectations for silhouette confound me! I don't understand how ordinary women are supposed to win this particular fashionable battle 

[Morning Sunshine]

welcome to the forum, threadcookie.  sewing is my nemisis, and I can stitch something together if I have to, but it doesn't look good.  I blame my mom. 

[ThreadCookie]

Thanks Morning Sunshine! Just be glad that you are immune to the scourge that is fabricaholism. It's a problem I know. And this whole bra-making thing has only made it worse with all the specialized elastics and mesh I've now acquired....

[RitaRose1945]

...and I can stitch something together if I have to, but it doesn't look good.

I love sewing, but this it totally me too.

Unfortunately, I can't blame genes.  When I got married to The Ex, my mom not only sewed my incredible gown, but also the dresses for both of my grandmas, both candle lighters, 2 out of the 3 bridesmaids, and her own dress.

I never said sanity ran in my family, though.

[TheBippy]

I know this is an older thread but I juts have to chime in- I picked up a bunch of Platex 18 hour bras because they were on an amazing clearance (they were a moderately ugly color that was being discontinued, but I was able to score them for between $3 and $6 dollars), and after wearing them all summer, this is the FIRST summer I haven't ended up with a horribly painful heat rash or second degree burn on the front of my ribs from the girls.

Any time a guy, in the summer, makes some comment about wishing they had boobs/ how awesome boobs are I have to resist the urge to beat them. I'm in DD-DDD land and the heat build up on the bottom of those things, especially if I'm outside having to do physical work, is enough to freaking cook my skin, and burns HURT.

I never thought a bra without an underwire would be strong enough to deal with the boulders, but they do an amazing job.

The only other bras I would reccomend are the Cacique bras from Lane Bryant. If you're way too small to fit the Lane Bryant clothes but are busty, it's worth stopping in and trying them out- they're the only place I've consistantly found good looking bras that feel good and are cute at the DDD level, and my ex roommate was a size 6 and miserable till I took her there to get bras- I think the band size is as low as 32 and they go up to J or JJ, if I remember correctly.

I'm still shocked at the Platex bras- I always thought of them as granny bras and they aren't good for showing off, they don't do a lot of cleavage, and to be frank they're kind of ugly, so I never bothered with them before. But I am SO DAMN HAPPY that I didn't cook my own ribcage this year, I am probably going to go buy a lot more. I also just close them up and toss them in the wash- no underwires, so they're a lot easier to take care of.

If I didn't spot that clearance I would have never given them a try, and they've made my life so much nicer, even if my boobs are not quite the decorative item in them, and I have to switch bras for my lower cut shirts and dresses.

[Eagles mom]

My grandmother, who died twenty years ago at the age of 101 told me that when she was young it was considered sexy to wear a bra, and then it became sexy to not wear a bra. Go with whatever is comfortable.

[nelson96]

That said, I don't think it's immodest for a woman to go around without a bra.  Even if you can see her nipples.  So what?  Would it turn me on?  Maybe.  Depends on her "build".  What's wrong with being turned on?  It makes me feel good.  It makes me want to hold my wife a little tighter and puts a smile on my face.  I'm not going to rush out and try to molest someone, and it's not going to instill an irrational anger in me that she's "just doing it for attention".  Maybe she is.  Who cares.

 

This is hilarious.  It doesn't bother me when women don't wear bra's, especially if their nipples show and no matter the size of the woman.  I'm guessing that's why many women wear a bra.  I don't mind looking and I never touch. . .  Just being honest.