Author Topic: Heavy G's marriage advice column (Read 102892 times)

Heavy G · « **Reply #240 on:** May 27, 2012, 04:13:58 PM »

Here's a PM I got:

"Heavy: All my friends tell about "make up sex." You know, after an argument. I have never experienced this. What am I missing out on?"

Hhmmm... Well, I don't go into my own stuff on this forum, but I've heard from the fellas that sometimes after an argument... the energy level is high. From what I can piece together "make up sex" varies quite a bit among relationships. Some couples seems to pick fights just to have it. Other couples have never heard of it.

I gotta say that, while I'm a huge fan of marital boom boom, the idea of sex springing from an argument seems kinda sketchy to me. I mean, I try to have as few arguments and as much sex as possible.

Hope that helps.

cheryl1 · « **Reply #241 on:** May 27, 2012, 07:11:45 PM »

I wouldn't go so far as to pick a fight fir it, but angry boom boom is definitely one of the 31 flavors!

TexasGirl · « **Reply #242 on:** May 27, 2012, 08:56:04 PM »

Quote from: Heavy G on May 27, 2012, 04:13:58 PM

I gotta say that, while I'm a huge fan of marital boom boom, the idea of sex springing from an argument seems kinda sketchy to me. I mean, I try to have as few arguments and as much sex as possible.

Yeah, in all 24 years of my marriage, there might have been one time where Boom Boom followed an argument make-up. We really didn't argue that much, but when we did, my emotional barometer was a bit twitched for a little while. Never did understand others talking about "make up" sex.

I'm a huge fan of marital Boom Boom, too. At least I think I was... It's been so long ago now, my memory's fading.

~TG

Oh, yes. I remember now. TG=TigerGirl. Yes, those were the days.

*sighs* Maybe I'll find another knight in shining armor (or body armor?) some day.

chrisdfw · « **Reply #243 on:** May 27, 2012, 10:18:10 PM »

Quote from: TexasGirl on May 27, 2012, 08:56:04 PM

Yeah, in all 24 years of my marriage, there might have been one time where Boom Boom followed an argument make-up. We really didn't argue that much, but when we did, my emotional barometer was a bit twitched for a little while. Never did understand others talking about "make up" sex.

I'm a huge fan of marital Boom Boom, too. At least I think I was... It's been so long ago now, my memory's fading.

~TG

Oh, yes. I remember now. TG=TigerGirl. Yes, those were the days.

*sighs* Maybe I'll find another knight in shining armor (or body armor?) some day.

I can't help with the marital boom-boom, but I try to make myself available for non-marital boom-boom when I find females in need.

TexasGirl · « **Reply #244 on:** May 27, 2012, 10:51:50 PM »

Quote from: chrisdfw on May 27, 2012, 10:18:10 PM

I can't help with the marital boom-boom, but I try to make myself available for non-marital boom-boom when I find females in need.

Guys are so very considerate and helpful, always thinking of the less fortunate in need! Guess that's what makes that armor shine so bright.

Most girls are a bit different, we tend to be more relational, more cautious. We like to help others, but may not receive as openly when we don't know people very well.

These "quiet" years, the many now without "Booms," have not been due lack of opportunity. But thanks anyway!

~TG

Heavy G · « **Reply #245 on:** June 17, 2012, 01:31:02 PM »

Got a PM in: "HG: What's the best music to make boom boom to?"

Well, I don't give out details of my world with Mrs. Heavy G... but I got two words for you: "Chris Isaak."

Baja Sessions is the best CD he did.

Picking boom boom music is a big decision. If she isn't into it, things won't go well. I suggest that she gets to pick the boom boom music because--let's face it--guys can pull off their part with the sound of cats fighting or honking horns or anything. The ladies can't be thinking the whole time, "Those lyrics are stupid" or "will this guitar solo ever end?"

Think of your lady before you put on Led Zeppelin. Just sayin'.

soupbone · « **Reply #246 on:** June 17, 2012, 02:33:11 PM »

Come, now, HG, there is only one piece that is fitting to serve as background music to a boom-boom session. A piece that covers the gamut of emotions - and resulting actions - ranging from the first shy looks and gentle caresses, through the more intimate manipulations, all the way to...........

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qt5hz8fc4Cw&feature=results_video&playnext=1&list=PL808FA7F7541D6110

...or perhaps:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_nt8IbnaTCk&feature=autoplay&list=PL808FA7F7541D6110&playnext=2

soup

PS: Just make sure it's NOT:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_pUQuPVuM7w
no matter how much she likes western music
s.

Morning Sunshine · « **Reply #247 on:** June 17, 2012, 02:36:08 PM »

mm, soup, I love me some William Tell Overture. never tried it in the bedroom, but um, well.... good idea!

Heavy G · « **Reply #248 on:** June 17, 2012, 04:13:39 PM »

Just got a PM from a moderator who wishes to remain anonymous. It says: "Black Keys!!!!"

archer · « **Reply #249 on:** June 17, 2012, 09:59:49 PM »

one word: Bolero

Dawgus · « **Reply #250 on:** June 18, 2012, 03:38:52 AM »

Here's a fun one....Make a CD or mix of MP3's. Put something completely different in the middle and see if they even remember hearing it.

Docwatmo · « **Reply #251 on:** June 18, 2012, 06:23:02 AM »

I always figured "Flight of the Bumblebee would be.... Interesting.....

TwoBluesMama · « **Reply #252 on:** June 18, 2012, 08:00:19 AM »

Quote from: Heavy G on June 17, 2012, 01:31:02 PM

Think of your lady before you put on Led Zeppelin. Just sayin'.

I think Stairway to Heaven can be appropriate and sexy.

Quote from: Archer on June 17, 2012, 09:59:49 PM

one word: Bolero

I can only think of "10" at this. LOL!

Okay here's some Mama advise because Heavy G I love you but this thread sometimes makes me cringe.

1) Forgive (AND forget) everything because your spouse is not perfect AND NEITHER ARE YOU.
2) Buy her (or his) chairs. (See the old movie Phenomenon for better clarification ). Be sweet to each other OUTSIDE THE BEDROOM and it will be good inside the bedroom. This can be done with simple little gestures and sometimes the more simple the sweeter they seem. (One weird example - my dh brings me heart shaped rocks he finds on the mountain. His way of saying I love you that melt my heart).
3) And lastly - For the guys: Listen to her but don't try to fix everything sometimes we just need to vent and need a shoulder to cry on. Try a little tenderness as we are not made the same. Make her feel as if there is no one else for you. For the ladies: Respect your spouse. THIS is what they need almost (well just barely) more than sex. Listen to him and treat him as if he were a superhero and he will act that way and you will reap the reward.

Sorry for the interruption. My dh and I will be married 30 years this August and together 36 and I can't think of anyone else I'd want to spend the rest of my life with. He still makes my heart pound when he walks into a room. I consider myself so blessed and wish this for you all.

Heavy G · « **Reply #253 on:** June 18, 2012, 08:52:55 AM »

Quote from: TwoBluesMama on June 18, 2012, 08:00:19 AM

Okay here's some Mama advise because Heavy G I love you but this thread sometimes makes me cringe.

1) Forgive (AND forget) everything because your spouse is not perfect AND NEITHER ARE YOU.
2) Buy her (or his) chairs. (See the old movie Phenomenon for better clarification ). Be sweet to each other OUTSIDE THE BEDROOM and it will be good inside the bedroom. This can be done with simple little gestures and sometimes the more simple the sweeter they seem. (One weird example - my dh brings me heart shaped rocks he finds on the mountain. His way of saying I love you that melt my heart).
3) And lastly - For the guys: Listen to her but don't try to fix everything sometimes we just need to vent and need a shoulder to cry on. Try a little tenderness as we are not made the same. Make her feel as if there is no one else for you. For the ladies: Respect your spouse. THIS is what they need almost (well just barely) more than sex. Listen to him and treat him as if he were a superhero and he will act that way and you will reap the reward.

Excellent advice, TBM!

The lady speaks the truth.

ag2 · « **Reply #254 on:** June 27, 2012, 08:27:28 AM »

Quote from: TexasGirl on May 24, 2012, 08:45:09 PM

LOL

Sis, hun... I appreciate the thought, but I think Josh is younger than my son.

~TG

TG, Are you telling us that your "picture" isn't really you?

mrdan · « **Reply #255 on:** June 29, 2012, 10:40:40 AM »

Quote from: ag2 on June 27, 2012, 08:27:28 AM

TG, Are you telling us that your "picture" isn't really you?

Of course it is. It's just an older picture.

donaldj · « **Reply #256 on:** June 29, 2012, 12:41:36 PM »

The internet and all forums on it are made up entirely of ex Navy SEALS and female fitness models.

Do not destroy the myth.

TexDaddy · « **Reply #257 on:** June 29, 2012, 04:06:20 PM »

Quote from: donaldj on June 29, 2012, 12:41:36 PM

The internet and all forums on it are made up entirely of ex Navy SEALS and female fitness models.

Do not destroy the myth.

Along with your occasional super hero.

Heavy G · « **Reply #258 on:** June 30, 2012, 02:13:11 PM »

I got a PM regarding boom boom music:

"Dude: In the Evening by Led Zepplin. The way it starts off slow, builds, and then has the second build up. Lasts about six and a half minutes. The song, that is."

OK. Here's the song if you're curious:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=36btrVZe0A0

Heavy G · « **Reply #259 on:** July 06, 2012, 08:42:59 PM »

Here's a PM:

"Hey G,

Serious question. I've been with my old man for 13 years, the last seven of which, he's worked nights. There is no boom-boom. And I'm to the point now, quite honestly, that I could care less for boom-boom. Oh, when it happens, okay, whatever, but I just don't care anymore. It's a lot easier to pretend it's March 17th sans steak once a week than it is for me to get wound up these days.

Problem with that is, while he digs it, at the same time, it makes him feel like I don't care enough to go all the way.

What should I do? Because unfortunately, there is no viagra for chicks.

Is it just me? Is it that after 7 years of sleeping alone, I'd just rather not have to bother? Is it hormonal?
I mean, I would rather just listen to an erotic hypnosis mp3 than have sex at this point, if I think about my needs at all.

Sincerely,

(Name Redacted)"

Hmmm... I honestly don't know. I'll let the readers of this thread weigh in, especially the ladies. Ladies: You can weigh in via confidential PMs so you don't need to be public about your advice.

FreeLancer · « **Reply #260 on:** July 06, 2012, 10:16:55 PM »

Quote from: Heavy G on July 06, 2012, 08:42:59 PM

Hmmm... I honestly don't know. I'll let the readers of this thread weigh in, especially the ladies. Ladies: You can weigh in via confidential PMs so you don't need to be public about your advice.

The music dies........

......G man's scratching his head....... "What?! There's chicks that don't dig boom-boom?! What's that all about?!"

ncjeeper · « **Reply #261 on:** July 07, 2012, 11:19:52 AM »

Quote from: Heavy G on July 06, 2012, 08:42:59 PM

Is it hormonal?

Could be.
Do you take any medications that could lower your sex drive?

rogersorders · « **Reply #262 on:** July 07, 2012, 02:17:53 PM »

I read “The 5 Love Languages” a while ago. Great book, it had some interesting concepts that I’ve read elsewhere since but that book put them together and pretty simply.

One of the ideas is that love and “boom boom” is like a checking account. Deposits are made outside the bedroom and withdraws inside, sounds backward but it makes sense if you think about it.

I’ve learned that if I don’t make regular deposits into my wife's “love account” there will be no boom boom.

I don’t know your situation but I can’t imagine working nights is easy on a relationship. You be at a negative balance in your account and that may be killing your drive.

On top of that sex drive is an “extra” bodily function. Minor things like too little sleep, poor nutrition, too much stress and hormonal changes can get your bodily systems out of whack. When that happens sex drive is one of the first nonessential systems to get shut down. (that’s just my opinion but I think it’s accurate)

Most importantly talk to your man, he may be clueless (most of us are) as to how you feel.

TexasGirl · « **Reply #263 on:** July 07, 2012, 03:00:58 PM »

Quote from: rogersorders on July 07, 2012, 02:17:53 PM

I read “The 5 Love Languages” a while ago. Great book, it had some interesting concepts that I’ve read elsewhere since but that book put them together and pretty simply.

One of the ideas is that love and “boom boom” is like a checking account. Deposits are made outside the bedroom and withdraws inside, sounds backward but it makes sense if you think about it.

I’ve learned that if I don’t make regular deposits into my wife's “love account” there will be no boom boom.

I don’t know your situation but I can’t imagine working nights is easy on a relationship. You be at a negative balance in your account and that may be killing your drive.

On top of that sex drive is an “extra” bodily function. Minor things like too little sleep, poor nutrition, too much stress and hormonal changes can get your bodily systems out of whack. When that happens sex drive is one of the first nonessential systems to get shut down. (that’s just my opinion but I think it’s accurate)

Most importantly talk to your man, he may be clueless (most of us are) as to how you feel.

Spot on! +1

It's a great book, been out almost 20 years and still hits the top sellers list. It should be mandatory reading for anyone in, or wanting to be in, a relationship.

The same principles of languages also hold true for close family, like with your kids, siblings, or parents.

~TG

Heavy G · « **Reply #264 on:** July 07, 2012, 03:31:19 PM »

Here's a PM with advice about the last posting:

"Fake it until you see your doctor and get checked out. If everything checks out physically, and you want to keep this man, keep faking interest. Women horribly underestimate how much men need boom-boom."

liftsboxes · « **Reply #265 on:** July 07, 2012, 05:28:38 PM »

Actually, I believe several of you have come really close to the answer for this one. One of the big components of hormonal levels is smell, and when you think about it, most of us spend the majority of time with our marital partner while we are sleeping. You conscious mind may be asleep, but your body is still processing information and the subtle touches and smells of just being near that other person can effect your hormones and thus your overall level of comfort and interest in your partner.

A couple suggestions:

If you can't sleep with your partner, sleep with the pillow they use when they are sleeping (or an article of clothing).

When you're apart for a while, make it a point to touch and be touched when you do get back together. Even if the sparks aren't flying at first, when is a backrub a bad idea?

News:

Author Topic: Heavy G's marriage advice column (Read 102892 times)