Heavy G's marriage advice column

[amanadoo]

I'm a feminist (and a lady lol) and I'm not bothered. You're saying a whole lot of "men will do anything for more sex" sooo....that kinda makes y'all look stupid, not us. Plus, we all knew that already

[Morning Sunshine]

I'm a feminist (and a lady lol) and I'm not bothered. You're saying a whole lot of "men will do anything for more sex" sooo....that kinda makes y'all look stupid, not us. Plus, we all knew that already

 

[cheryl1]

Another PM:
 he can go months and not care

Depression?

[chrisdfw]

Depression?

low testosterone is the likely "problem" which can be caused by a number of things... maybe depression...

but likely causes include
1. Drinking too much, sadly
2. Too much consumption of certain things, wheat and soy can be a problem
3. Not enough consumptions of certain things, primarily cholesterol and saturated fat (its not all bad)
4. Medications... where to start

[Heavy G]

I'm a feminist (and a lady lol) and I'm not bothered. You're saying a whole lot of "men will do anything for more sex" sooo....that kinda makes y'all look stupid, not us. Plus, we all knew that already

Yep.  It's all a lot of guys think about.  *shrugs*

[Dawgus]

Witholding? Are you insane??? 

 I do listen, and offer the boot suggestion, over and over and over and.... All she says is "I'm only walking to the car". I honestly don't know why she refuses to wear boots. She has no real reason to even tell me. I guess it's a guy thing. Mud/rain/snow=boot weather.   

 Shopping is a suggestion I've had many times, but she HATES shopping and HATES buying something for herself. (whether she does or I do-she hates it)

 I think it's just a secret ploy to get me to continue the brick walkway all the way to the car. 

 Enough of my silly issue. The others are wayyyyy better!! 

[Goatdog62]

It occurs to me that asking Heavy G for advice with women is like asking my German Shepherd to guard my medium rare T-bone while I step outside for a minute.

[Roundabouts]

Another PM:

"This is going to sound mean..but..how do I get my husband to not be such a Nancy! I love him to death and do so often! I just hate coming across as the nagging b!+@# that's always hun you need to split wood today,hun can you haul water to the hens,hun..hun..hun..he will do it but then pout like a little girl all day for how hard he's worked the last week and how I'm always asking him to do things..we work out of home he doesn't break a sweat..I let him know how grateful I am..and praise him for what he does but come on I do it the other six days a week and the house and the kids and the cooking..then I spilt wood then I haul feed and water and basically run things..I don't want to have to ask..withholding sex is no big deal for him he can go months and not care..I love my husband very much but I feel like I go at life alone and I get really worn out having to wear the pants and the skirt all of the time.."

I know so well I hate wearing pants with my skirts.  The fewer the clothes the better.  So who really cares if when doing the dishes if the plates are washed first or the pots.  Long as they are clean dried and put away.  (leaving the pot to soak you don't get points for doing dishes hint they are not done only part of them are done)   Cooking and doing dishes work better than oysters and candles.  Cooking includes figuring out what to cook.

[Heavy G]

It occurs to me that asking Heavy G for advice with women is like asking my German Shepherd to guard my medium rare T-bone while I step outside for a minute.

Ha!  You're on to me.

[chickchoc]

I'm reminded of when my husband and I were first married.  We had my famiy over for dinner and he made the MISTAKE of saying his mother's fried chicken was better than mine.  I quit cooking altogether for him.  He was on his own for his meals.  It literally took him several years (and another family chicken dinner i cooked) before he said my cooking was not onlly OK, but that he preferred the way I cooked fried chicken to that of his his mother.  I immediately thanked him and started cooking for both of us again.

A similar thing happened when he complained I didn't know how to iron his shirts.  He's still ironing his own stuff to this day. 

Bear in mind that he was in his mid 30s when we married and I was nearly 30 myself.  I think we both had more than enough life experience and self confidence that the witholding of certain things just didn't make that big of a deal.  We both realized if the item we witheld from the other was a source of pleasure for us, there was no point in "cutting off the nose to spite the face."  ha, ha

Cute column, Dear Abner 

[soupbone]

we have to sleep sometime....

At my age, that defines "Horizontal Recreation".

soup

[Heavy G]

We both realized if the item we witheld from the other was a source of pleasure for us, there was no point in "cutting off the nose to spite the face."  ha, ha

When I speak of men withholding sex from women, it's purely theoretical.  Like "cuts in government spending."

[NWBowhunter]

When I speak of men withholding sex from women, it's purely theoretical.  Like "cuts in government spending."

If only it would be on a logrithmic increase then. 

[Docwatmo]

If thats the case, I should be on welfare.   

[DocRokRx]

Another PM:

"My wife and I have been happily married for over 10 years and love each other fiercely.  But I have a disease that I have never told her about.  BRD (Black Rifle Disease)


She can't handle the truth.  Why mess with a good thing?  Hide the guns (with proper locks if you have kids, of course) and let love blossom.  Out of sight, out of mind.

I think I have this disease.... (un)fortunately no BRs yet, but what happens when I have the money for one, and the next one, and the next one?

As an Expert in the subject, I think HG should run a dedicated thread on the art and science of subterfuge in regards to this perilous situation so many of us find ourselves in....

[Heavy G]

As an Expert in the subject, I think HG should run a dedicated thread on the art and science of subterfuge in regards to this perilous situation so many of us find ourselves in....

How about a thread called, "How men hide guns and shit from their wives"?  Hmmmm....  I could write a book about that and sell a million copies. 

[Docwatmo]

Then I could follow up with a book about how to hide books about hiding shit from our wives.   

Followed by the book.  "How to find the books your husbands hide that tell them how to hide shit from their wives.

This would be followed up by the book.  "Divorce:  Why trust is such an issue".   

[Heavy G]

Here's another PM:

"HG--My dear hubby never makes the bed. Drives me crazy.  I've tried asking him politely and then not so politely.  Nothing works.  I need help!

Ticked in Tampa"

Well, Ticked, the answer is right there: bed.  Let him know--try to say it directly as we guys aren't good at subtle--that you'll have a lot more energy for some boom boom if the bed's made thereafter.  Follow through.  Love his brains out and then watch him make the bed.  He'll wonder why he hadn't been making the bed every day for years. 

And, who knows, maybe he'll start washing the truck ... if you know what I mean.

[ag2]

low testosterone is the likely "problem" which can be caused by a number of things... maybe depression...

but likely causes include
1. Drinking too much, sadly
2. Too much consumption of certain things, wheat and soy can be a problem
3. Not enough consumptions of certain things, primarily cholesterol and saturated fat (its not all bad)
4. Medications... where to start

Too much soda, coffee, sugar and lack of exercise can also contribute to this.

[liftsboxes]

I love this thread.



(that isn't a question, HG)












(no, I don't love it "that' way)

[Dawgus]

Then I could follow up with a book about how to hide books about hiding shit from our wives.   

 There are TWO key points to this. No book necessary.
1-always leave an empty slot in the gun cabinet
2-always go to the gun shop with an empty long gun case (to fill with purchase for said empty slot)
  Yes guys, I just gave away the big secret!


 I love this thread  Well done G

[TexasGirl]

  Yes guys, I just gave away the big secret!

<--- *gasps*

[DocRokRx]

Then I could follow up with a book about how to hide books about hiding shit from our wives.   
Followed by the book.  "How to find the books your husbands hide that tell them how to hide shit from their wives.
This would be followed up by the book.  "Divorce:  Why trust is such an issue".   

 

There are TWO key points to this. No book necessary.
1-always leave an empty slot in the gun cabinet
2-always go to the gun shop with an empty long gun case (to fill with purchase for said empty slot)

I feel dumb... i must be missing something because i dont get it

[ncjeeper]

"How men hide guns and shit from their wives"?  Hmmmm....  I could write a book about that and sell a million copies.

Probably make Oprah's book club.

[Heavy G]

Who knows ... there might be a book coming out about how a guy hides his preps from his wife.  You never know.

OK, back to the PMs:

"Heavy G-- My husband buys lots of guns.  I like to buy a nice pair of shoes every now and again.  He flips out when I buy some shoes but seems to think we have plenty of money for his guns.  Any ideas?

Shoe Girl in Montana"

I sure do have an idea.  Get yourself a nice pair of shoes.  Leave him a note that he needs to come into the bedroom.  Be in there with nothing but those new shoes on.  Tell him that both of you get a treat when you buy shoes. 

[LvsChant]

Hmmm. I sense a recurring theme in G's advice.

[ag2]

Hmmm. I sense a recurring theme in G's advice.

You must mean all that wisdom he shares. 

[Heavy G]

Hmmm. I sense a recurring theme in G's advice.

*shrugs* It's been keeping men and women together for thousands of years.  I didn't invent it.

It's almost like Whoever created us had this brilliant solution in mind.

[Docwatmo]

*shrugs* It's been keeping men and women together for thousands of years.  I didn't invent it.

It's almost like Whomever created us had this brilliant solution in mind.

ABSOLUTELY BRILLIANT INDEED!!

[ag2]

*shrugs* It's been keeping men and women together for thousands of years.  I didn't invent it.

It's almost like Whoever created us had this brilliant solution in mind.

ROTF lol
+1