Some positive news.
Apparently my workplace Fidelity 401K has a little known feature "Brokerage Link". It's buried deep under crap, a bit involved to setup, but it's like a mini Scottrade inside of the 401K.
So I can use it like a brokerage account, but it's still inside my 401K.
The only downside, even if I have 100% of my contribution go into this, I have to manually buy stocks, ETFs or funds. I was really hoping I could buy $100 of DEO or something each paycheck.
Oh well, still a net positive.